We often hear stories of those who spent the majority of their lives pursuing a career because that’s what someone told them they should do. And rather than disappoint their loved one, they followed the path of most resistance to prove they were a good son/daughter, spouse, etc. They put someone else’s opinions before their own passion and intuition. When we read these stories, the question often asked is why would someone do that? Why would someone be solely driven by their need to prove someone wrong or right?

Well, here are 4 ways how we get stuck trying to prove ourselves to other people:

1. We don’t want to be labeled a failure

Oftentimes we will stay in jobs, relationships, partnerships etc. because we don’t want to feel like we failed. We don’t want to “look bad” to our parents, family, friends, or associates. No one likes to admit when they’re wrong or made a mistake especially if we went hard about the decision in the first place. We let the embarrassment and shame of our choices keep us pigeonholed in situations that may no longer be good for us. But staying stuck just to prove a point is way more damaging to our self-esteem than walking away. Being able to admit when we’ve jumped the gun develops our character and keeps us humble. At the end of the day, all we’ve done is prove that we’re human. Remember, there are no losses, only lessons!

2. We say yes or over commit

Busy is a drug that a lot of people are addicted to” -Rob Bell. Ah yes! We live in a culture that seems to have an utter disdain for stillness. But seasons of quietude is when we often receive the most clarity and direction. We’ve become accustomed to believing though if you’re not constantly busy doing something then obviously you are not being productive. But being busy does not necessarily equate to success. However, we’ve been conditioned to say yes to things we probably shouldn’t in hopes it will be our opportunity to gain the approval or respect of those we love or admire. This idea keeps many of us overextended and burnt out. The goal is not to be busy but purposeful. Trust me, when you begin to show up not just for someone to see that you’re there but start showing up because there is a divine purpose for you being there, you will go a lot further faster.

3. We say no and never commit

So on the flip-side of the coin, some of us get trapped trying to prove we don’t need anyone so we say no or never commit to anything. But no man is an island. We all need mentors, good counsel, great connections, and willing workers to get to where we want to go. Don’t let your pride have you trying to prove you can do it on your own. 

4. We Refuse to Forgive

Now I would have to say this is the most powerful one of them all. Lack of forgiveness is probably the number one motivation behind proving ourselves to others. We’ve all had situations in our lives where we’ve felt overlooked, unappreciated, or underestimated. And when that comes from those we love, respect, or admire it can be downright devastating. The pain of being undervalued usually sends us into a space of “I’ll show them.” After you “show them” and they don’t respond/react the way you hoped, you’ll still feel empty and unfulfilled. So FORGIVE them! Whoever it was, let it go. Move on because I’m sure they have.

So what’s motivating you? Don’t waste your time and energy pursuing things just to prove somebody wrong or right. At the end of the day, your life and those you’re trying to prove something to more than likely could care less. Your purpose here on earth is greater than getting someone’s approval. Don’t second guess who you are and your ability to accomplish your God-ordained destiny. Stay divinely connected to your true calling and everything else will fall in place. That is how you live a truly free and abundant life.

AFFIRM DAILY: I LOVE AND APPROVE OF MYSELF. I AM WORTHY & I AM ENOUGH.

Reese LaFrances Purnell

Founder/CEO, Black Women Professionals League

The Chicago Defender Women of Excellence Awards celebrate local African American women who inspire others through their vision and leadership, exceptional achievements and participation in community service. For their successes as a businesswoman, community activists, philanthropists or entrepreneurs, the Defender’s readership nominated them for this distinction. They were chosen from hundreds of nominees and will be joining the ranks of Chicagoland’s most influential women. 

I am so happy to finally share some exciting news about The League!

Since our inception in 2015, The League has accomplished a lot of great things. We have officially inducted 200 young women professionals through our 40 Under 40 Award Ceremony; provided resources and support to over 300 college students; and, hosted quarterly networking events that allowed hundreds of young women professionals to connect and receive personal and professional development. We’ve also had the opportunity to be featured on Rolling Out, Jet Magazine, Ebony, N’Digo Magapaper, The Chicago Defender, The Chicago Citizen, Soul 106.3, Inspiration 102.3, and more.

However, while making many significant strides, we recognized our areas of improvement. In an effort to be more inclusive and intentional about who we are and who we serve, we’ve made a decision to change our name to the Black Women Professionals League. In addition to changing our name we have improved upon our company structure, which includes new leadership and new programming.

We have had the opportunity to learn, grow and evolve which is not an easy feat. But we are here and glad that you are still here with us as well.

Join us as we celebrate our GRADUATION to a more inclusive and expansive mission to support the advancement of professional Black women while galvanizing them to make a social impact.